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The first one was thirty days sober and I was ninety days sober. We were both under a year sober and had six kids under the age of ten; someone should have had me committed. I waited desperately for two years for him to end his marriage to his not-so-ex-wife.It was love at first sight: my dysfunction was attracted to his dysfunction—a perfect fit. I broke the cardinal rule and dated a newcomer to recovery, ignoring every red flag. I finally set a bottom line and told him to move out and not call me until he was fully divorced.It’s not uncommon to find someone who is using dating or a relationship to take them away from reality. So many chemical changes take place when we are interested in someone, love and infatuation act very much like the substances we were once dependent upon.It is critical that you be honest with yourself as to why you are wanting to date or get involved with another person.This thinking might be romantic, but it is impractical at best.Sure, we want to be with someone who has our back (so to speak), but we need to know that we have our own.It’s important to be able to stand on our own two feet whether we are in a relationship or not.

I put down the drink and picked up the men (plural).

Often during active addiction, we can lose our sense of self.

We’re attached to drugs, alcohol and/or behaviors which take a lot of our time, attention and resources.

You’re taking up new activities, hobbies and friends.

Your life is changing in many ways, and it’s important not only to enjoy this process of change, but allow time for it to truly develop and take hold.

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